Anamnesis of Past Grievances
by STOPREADINGMYTERRIBLEFANFICS
Summary: Cloud grieves over the loss of Aeris, and tries to answer the question of "human emotion" once and for all.


Anamnesis of Past Grievances  **__**

Anamnesis of Past Grievances

By Dan Flynn

Cloud stared at his broad sword. Although he could see his reflection in it, and it was sharper than ever, he knew it was stained in blood. Every time he picked up his sword, people would die, chaos would overcome innocent people, screams could be heard thousands of miles away. The screams of innocent strangers, and the screams of his closest friends. Hear, in the new Midgar, Cloud tries his hardest to overcome his past. Although he has a bright and new future to look forward to, he realizes the following years will be the most painful. The look of Cloud's face in the reflection of his sword represents the look of anguish... the anguish that he endured, and the anguish that will follow.

"Cloud?" whispered Tifa, as she entered his room. "Cloud, what's wrong? Why are you so depressed?" The sounds that dispersed from her mouth were nothing but murmurs to him. He was lost in his painful past. But slowly, the words registered in his head... word by word... "Cloud listen to me..." She paused. "What's wrong?"

"Tifa," he started. "What did we fight for?"

Tifa stopped. She stared a Cloud, still staring at his broad sword.

She began, ever so quietly, "For the world... for Midgar... for the people... for our friends..." Cloud slowly began to gain consciousness of what she was saying. "...for Aeris." Cloud's heart stopped. For Aeris. Cloud sat in silence. He had nothing more to say. Memories of Aeris flooded back into his mind. Tifa slowly stepped back from him. "We fought for Aeris." When he didn't respond, Tifa left the room.

__

"What are you saying? Are you trying to tell me that you have feelings now?"

"Of course! What do you think I am!?"

Cloud began to think. "For Aeris...?" He sat, remembering the good times he had with Aeris, the night he snuk out of her house... that romantic evening at the Gold Saucer's roller coaster... 

Sephiroth's words haunted him. 

__

"Stop acting as if you're sad. There's no need to act as if you're angry either. Because, Cloud, you are..."

Cloud decided to do something he had never done before.

"Aeris...," he began. "Can you hear me?... What WERE we fighting for? You gave your life so we could save the world, but we had to suffer from your loss. You were my friend... you were my... my soul mate." 

  
Cloud had already decided that he alone could choose his own fate, and that he could experience human emotions like any other human, or so he thought.

__

"What is this pain? My fingers are tingling. My mouth is dry. My eyes are burning!"

Cloud's emotions had got the best of him. Too many questions passed through his head now. "What does war bring?" "Why do we continue to fight when it only brings the pain of others?" 

"Why did she have to die?"

But there was nothing that he could do. Aeris was gone, gone forever. But was there a way he would be able to speak to Aeris? Cloud wanted to see Aeris, one last time.

The engine began to roar, as bright blue flames spurted out.

"C'mon, let's get this show on the road!" Cid was getting the Highwind ready for departure. "Hey, Cloud, where exactly is our destination?"

Cloud hesitated. "We're going north."

"North? To the excavation site?"

"Yes, and then to the ancient forest, and then, to Aeris."

"Aeris?" Cid began. "Whoa, Cloud, I know you are kinda upset about Aeris' death and all, but-"

"No- I want to talk to Aeris."

Cid stared at Cloud, as Cloud stared at the sky through the window of the Highwind. He was wondering where Aeris was now, where her spirit flowed. But if there was any place where her presence could be felt, it would be her death site. The place where Sephiroth pierced her body, killing her instantly. The place where the white materia fell. That's where Aeris would be.

Cid was still staring at Cloud, almost in awe.

"Uhh, okay, to the northern continent!"

The ancient forest gave off an eerie green tint, as Cloud walked through the seemingly endless woods. 

He remembered that dream, a dream of Aeris. After Cloud had been possessed by Sephiroth, and beaten Aeris senseless... this was the place she ran off to. This was the place where Sephiroth followed her. This was the place where Cloud tried to stop her... but couldn't. For when he tried to chase her, he could not move. He knew deep inside that what she would do, although it would cause endless pain for Cloud and his friends, it would save the earth, ultimately. Maybe Cloud knew this as he tried to chase her, maybe it was why he could not move... as he watched Sephiroth follow Aeris through the ancient forest.

These memories flooded Cloud's mind in an instant, causing a virtual convulsion. "No," he thought. "I can't stop. I need to talk to Aeris."

He approached the rocky cliffs of the dreaded place. Monsters still wandered about, but he was able to dodge them. Cloud no longer had the will to fight. 

Just then, Cloud's heart began to beat more rapidly, as he became short of breath. He was suffering from a panic attack. But why? He looked to his right. It was a lake. 

A deep blue lake.

Aeris was laid to rest here. Her body, without spirit, was in this lake. Cloud began to shake, and his legs gave. He collapsed onto the ground.

__

"Aeris will no longer talk, no longer laugh, cry... or get angry..."

"Aeris... oh god... Aeris..." Now Cloud could not stop shaking. What is this feeling? This anxiety? What's wrong with me? His heart was beating faster... and faster, and faster! Cloud then realized that there was nothing wrong with him. "This... is this human emotion?" He stopped. Cloud slowly stood up. "Aeris, I need to talk to you."

Cloud approached the platforms in the water. As he jumped from platform to platform, memories of Aeris still flooded through his head. He finally reached the site, the site where Aeris... was killed.

__

Cloud dropped his sword as Tifa and Barrett screamed at him when he held his sword above his head. He was the one that would've killed her. Cloud took a step back. Aeris, kneeling on the floor, looked up with a smile on her face. "Cloud..." she thought to herself. Aeris and Cloud stared at each other. But without warning, Sephiroth plummeted from the sky, driving his sword through Aeris's abdomen. Aeris' smile was wiped on her face, as she fell into a doll-like state. Her hands dropped to her side, her body fell forward, her eyes stayed wide open. Aeris' life was diminishing. Sephiroth stared at Cloud with an evil grin on his face... the edges of his smile were like daggers. Sephiroth then slowly pulled the sword from Aeris' body. With her last ounce on strength, Aeris opened her mouth and raised her arms, but no sound came out. Then, she fell forward into Cloud's arms. Not an ounce of blood left her body, but she had died, nevertheless. She was smiling until the very end.

Cloud stared at the site where all of her life had disappeared. Silence. 

Then...

"Cloud?"

Cloud looked around, but he saw nothing.

"Cloud... long time no see..."

"Aeris?"

It was her. After all this time, Cloud was able to recognize her voice.

"Aeris. It is you."

But there was no answer. Was Cloud dillusional? He came here for a reason, and he would not leave until he talked to her.

"Aeris, why? Why?! Was your death merely a complication of our quest? No... It wasn't... It couldn't be!!"

But there still was no answer. Cloud reached into his pocket and pulled out a flower. It was Aeris' flower. He had kept it from the time they first met on the streets of Midgar. It was a charm. Not a good luck charm, a good life charm. He grasped the flower tightly in the palm of his right hand.

"Everything happens for a reason." He heard her voice again. Cloud could now see Aeris before him. She responded, "perhaps it is fate that brings everything together. But, alas, everything happens for a reason."

"Aeris..." He was breathless... Everything that controlled his life was standing before him. He tried to snap out of it. "What was your reason? Why did you have to die?"

"Fate chose you to save the planet. I was your aid. My death was a complication in your quest, and I am deeply sorry for that. But your quest goes beyond saving the planet. Your quest is centered around identity."

"Identity..."

__

"Because... you are a puppet."

"A puppet?"

"No! You didn't have to die!"

"Cloud... My death was an important part of your quest. You have yet to complete it. You have yet to perfect human emotion. Look at what's in front of you, and complete your quest for humanity."

Cloud stared at Aeris, as she began to fade away.

His words quivered, "A-Aeris... Aeris, wait! Don't go!"

"Cloud," her words slipped out of her mouth. "Look at me. You will never see me again, but I will always be with you... and with your soul mate."

"Soul mate?"

"I love you, Cloud!" She exclaimed... once again, disappearing, with a smile on her face, and a tear on her cheek. "Goodbye!"

She was gone.

Human emotions? Soul mate?

"Cloud?"

Tifa stood behind him. Cloud slowly turned around.

"...Tifa..."

Tifa's eyes began to fill with water. She saw the whole thing. 

"Oh Cloud!" She cried as she threw herself onto Cloud, wailing.

Cloud embraced Tifa, and as he stroked his hand threw her hair. Cloud looked at where Aeris had disappeared, and did something, once again, that he had never done before.

He began to cry.

His quest was now complete.


End file.
